i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
