So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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