I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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