JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
