We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
