Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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