He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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