She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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