So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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