no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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