there's paper in my vomit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
