New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
