I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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