He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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