I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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