You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
