Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
