We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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