I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
