What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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