I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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