I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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