I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
