I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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