My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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