Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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