Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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