You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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