I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
