I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
