You really coming over, don't trick.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
