Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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