If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
