Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
