I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
