Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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Semen is not good for contacts.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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