Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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