Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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