Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
