I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
