Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
