I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
