dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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