u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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