I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
