I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
