I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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