I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
