i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
