so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
