We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
