I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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