Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
