they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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