i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
