I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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