I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
