Welp...herpes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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